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Thursday, November 10, 2005
10:08 AM

Gyro Art Exhibition: The Masterpiece of Shit

Presenting Carson Shitstein. Canadian artist/Anthony Harrison lover at large. Due to unknown circumstances Carson was deported by his beloved Canada and has moved to Adelaide, Australia. He said it was the closest city to Toronto. Carson is well known for his intrest in alternative arts. We at Gyro like to think we are cultured, so we have gladly opened up the forum for him. Clearly, if you haven't heard of Carson Shitstein you don't know art. Let us here at Gyro show you what art is all about. Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting Carson Shitstein.


Please Click Here for Carson's Intro (.mp3 format, 540kb in size)


After listening to his personal introduction. It's time to view his works of art!

The first piece in the exhibit is entitled


Shit on the Lawn (Shit on canvas, 2005)




Click here to listen to Carson's audio commentary (.mp3 format, 340kb)



The second piece in the exhibit is entitled

Shitface (Shit on canvas, 2005)




Click here to listen to Carson's audio commentary (.mp3 format, 360kb)


Hoped you enjoyed our little section of culture here at The Gyro Network. Stay tuned for more if Carson ever decides to display some new shit.


Written by JP   #

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Tuesday, November 08, 2005
3:02 AM

Du bist eine scheiße kopfe

Strike the chord, it reverberates and resounds, release the hounds, just sonic emotion doing the rounds, it leaps and bounds through the crowds. The note; it spoke, in your mind, invoke the progression, make a start. With suspicious omission the idea dissipates yet profoundly procreates in a burst of passion. Envision the future, think it, play it, make it now, take it for a ride, they’ll see that you tried, that you’re god personified. Don’t be scared.


Flinch now you’re forever impaired, blink and you miss it, forever paired with minor lines rare, you’ll hope its false, that the dream is a dream, torn at the seam, bed drowned in steam. Trip step insurrection, distort all sense of direction, don’t fall in line, step out of time, play offbeat with syncopated rhyme.


Finders keepers in a world of sleepers, of mindless pawns and sons of preachers. Like three blind mice on the slick black ice, its dark dirt water in a paradise. Forget it all, the pain for false gain. Let’s run without fear where its fun and it’s clear.


It’s a crystalline tear in a world of dice, its dark dirt water in a paradise.


Written by justin   #

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Saturday, November 05, 2005
10:59 PM

The Dr.Dre Show

Yo sup nigga? G up to the WORD that be flowin to the powerhouse of TV land. Studio 1 mo fo, fo REAL. Aiiiight. Now check it, I said CHECKIT Nigga. After watching the Dr.Phil show, I was theorising that this bitch ass don't know how to solve a problem like a Ho knows how to get rid of an STD. So I was like "DAYEM G, I got to get me a REAL show and tell these mo fos how problems are solved, GHETTO. 411 aint that reality, SHIEST"


After talking to CBS chief Les Moonves, I got my own TV show son.


*LIVE FROM DETROIT. MICHIGAN IT'S...*


THE DR.DRE SHOW


*AND NOW YOUR HOST, DETROIT'S DOCTOR OF DOCTORATES DOCTOR DRE!*




Dr. Dre: "BRING IT! Welcome to the Dr. Dre show BIATCHES. This is the real deal, where me and my posse bring it down to y'all and help you solve all your problems ghetto style. Now welcome on to the stage, my posse: MC Killjoy, DJ MacDaddy, Beats MD and Mikestylin."


*applause*



Dr. Dre: "SHIT YEA! OH YEA! Let's bring on our first retard. He's 35 years old and is filthy rich. Why is this guy on the show? Because he is depressed y'all. Let's all cheer him up, what do you say?"


MC Killjoy: "I say we fuck him up"


Beats MD: "Modern nigga has gotta play street smarts y'all, we'll bust him up AFTER the show, when the cameras are off"


DJ MacDaddy:"Will that affect our reputation? If we be killing all our retarded guests, wouldn't that make us look bad?"


Mikestylin: "No matter, BRING ON THE BITCH!"




*A lanky, geeky looking guy, bearing striking similarity to Bill Gates walks on stage. Audience looks in astonishment how lanky the guy is*





Dr. Dre: "State your name! Retarded BITCH"


Frank: "Frank Alfred"


Mikestylin: "Frank Alfred, or should I call you lame ass whinge boy. Why are you here?"


Frank: "Because....I feel like I'm going to kill myself"


Dr. Dre: "Why is that, mo fo?"


Frank: "I shit the bed"


MC Killjoy: "YOU WHAT?"


Frank: "You heard me....I'm a lawyer, but I get really nervous before a trial. I'm scared of public speaking. I'm aware of the irony of appearing on a TV show, but I thought it was time to tackle my fears head on."


Dr.Dre: "Commendable. It really is. Tell us FRANK. Did you shit your pants last night?"


Frank: "......yes"


Dr.Dre: "Let me break it down, YOU ARE A DISGUSTING BED SHITTING ASS WIPE. Yo' aint got it yo. What kind of freak, shits while he's sleeping! We need to fix this problem ghetto style."


Mikestylin: "It's clear to us that you are being held down by the man. The system is keeping you down, you get what I'm saying? You need to DIVERSIFY your portfolio"


Frank: "I'm not following..."


MC Killjoy: "YOU SAYING YOU HAVEN'T SPREAD THE RISK OF YOUR INVESTMENTS BY INVESTING IN VARIOUS MARKETS RATHER THAN CONCENTRATE IN ONE? DID THE TECH STOCK CRASH TEACH YOU NOTHING?"


Frank: "What's this got to do with shitting my pants?"


Dr.Dre: "It's got to do with everything. My young bitch."


Beats MD: "See we did our research white boy. Your investment portfolio is trapped in the resources market....bad choice considering this global environment. We advice for you to try out other white collar stocks and DIVERSIFY"


Dr. Dre: "No doubt, hear the lyrical timing of our advice shitstain and you will be forever grateful."


Frank: "Oh God, you guys are just helping my wallet, not my problem"


Dr.Dre: "You do not appreciate our advice? Typical, my posse gives you sound and proven investment strategies and all you talk about is your ass? You gotta INTELLUCTALISE!"


Frank: "I'm so lost"


MC Killjoy: "You'r ass is gonna beat down, I didnt spend 15 years in prison without learning how to kick ass. Then you will appreciate brotha, your money is worth more than your shit."


Mikestylin: "With the money you could be earning, you could buy many more beds to replace your skidmarked beds. You are too short sighted, FO REAL"


Dr. Dre: "This problem has been SOLVED."


Frank: "No it hasn't..in fact"


DJ MacDaddy: "SHUT THE FUCK UP FOOL. I'M GONNA POP A CAP IN YOUR ASS"


Frank: "Why did I come on this show"


Dr. Dre: "YOU GOT OWNED, that concludes this show. Thankyou to my elite posse for bringing the lowdown on shithead here AIGHT"


Posse: "AIGHT"


Frank: "Oh Jesus, help me."






Dr. Dre: "So what have we learned here? We learned that anything can be solved with more money. A nigga got to know that, YEAH. Frank has a shitting problem. So what? Fan some money his way and it's all good. Feel the bling, biatches and macks bring in tight money. Word."


MC Killjoy: "Don't let illness keep you down from working hard. Even a retard like Frank can bring bling to the ghetto. Fo real."


Dr. Dre: "And that's the 411. Stay Tight y'all"


Written by JP   #

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Thursday, November 03, 2005
8:59 PM

Newsflash: Poetic works submitted by Gyro monk

This piece was submitted via email by Jefferson Schneider, who's image bares a striking resemblance to one Benjamin Schneider of Mercedes fame. This loyal, schnitzel loving freak and Gyro enthusiast hails from Buckswitch Arizona. Jefferson has admitted to being emotionally tied to gyroscopes since the age of four and has this to say about growing up in a society where his deep feelings for gyroscopes have always been heavily frowned upon:


"Sumtimez wen I go 2 slp and I tinking bout gyroscops I wan tit to b in bed wif me but I canna and wont coz mamas and the papas say bad feffa bad jeffa pull it outa da gyro maen, yuk! and I goes, hey its my gyrascop and I wana screwballs wiv it ehehhehe yeh dumbdicks palolzeh :D"



Jefferson Schneider, aged 34


Forced to suppress his loin-love and passionate admiration for the ever spinning gyro, Jefferson Schneider has discovered other means of expressing himself via the arts, revealing his true self as a deeply thoughtful man of vast poetic integrity. He is also quite... innocent, as can be seen in the introductory notes for this piece:


"my pap likez the wordz on the paperz but its not on paper its on screens lol! He is stoopidhead. He alway say hay make it work jeffa but in not so mane wordz. Ye but i wos in teh looking for a girl so Vialet down teh road i went der and i likez movies, she so hot like moviez girlz kekeke ye but i ask her if she liekz moviez on satsurday and she sayd nar i gots done running on satsurday but i figures she lies cos im ugly like a beaver so i pull bolt cutter out of my pant and say i wil bolt-cut her ear lobe if she dun come movies on satsurday, lol she sayd she wuld straite away! So i sed hey take of ur pant cos u r hot, and cos i had bolt cut her earlobe she did it wow i culdnt contain my life seeds lolz den her dad cum out and splut my cranium open wiv his big-wammo hammer facking bitch neveh visit me in teh ospital, bin ere 7 mths lolz head stil herts"


Without further ado we give you Jefferson's astonishingly eloquent piece "Ode to Faget":


When aged fibres fray and are taken by day
And the time, in our sight, taken by night
The armed shall fight for that eternal plight
Of undying love in singular white


While sinners pray the saintly say
"I know the way, but they always play"
For to be good is to hate
And to love brings down weight
In modern terms of anarchy and state


On barren plains in foreign lands
The misguided rally in sinking sands
Torn blind cause, it slowly fades
In depths of dunes where void of spades


These sure-fire souls tread stark dark paths
Share sonnets and bonnets for stepping stone laughs
Tear western dreams, but glorify farce
And whisper guilt on the desert air sparse


So battle-blades drawn they challenge fate
Furthermore fussy with food on the plate
Fork clementine, knife doing time
Admire and aspire to beauty divine



We here at Gyronet thank Jefferson for submitting this poetry that he clearly stole. Keep up the stellar work, your roguish ways serve as a benchmark for those seeking to better themselves in Gyro related fields and such.




Written by justin   #

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