5:28 PM
Sam Rooted
Buck Hospital
Revenge of Vladimir
Boris Schmeldoff: International Superspy
Introducing Part I
Sam Rooted
Buck Hospital
Revenge of Vladimir
Boris Schmeldoff: International Superspy
Introducing Part I
"Gyro is as gyro does
Oyyyyyy! My name is Sam Rooted, and I'm a farma. I loike to farm rootcrops. Do you know what a rootcrop is mayyyyyte? It's a crop with roots innit. I loike to root crops. My mum loikes to root crops too. She reckons that's how I was born she reckons, yeaaaaaaaaaaaa! Anywoiys, lemme tell you a strewth story about me and some bloody drongo Panther mate. It was bloody BERKO!
Me and my imaginary mate Billy was walking down dingo woop when we came along what looked loiked to be a Panther.
Billy and mes knew that there never was said to be any panthers in Australia mate. So we did the only thing any good Rooted in the family would do, mate. Billy and I decided to hunt it down mate with my big ass shotty. Meet my shotty, her name is Charlene.nbsp; Yea mate, Charlene can shoot some pretty fair shots from her large barrels mate. One time I saw a family of bunnies next to my property. My neighbours, the Peterson's wanted to take care of the Bunnies. BUT IMMA ROOTED. Rooted's always hunt those pesky rodents! Me mamma told me that Bunnies are rodents that like to root and eat root. Then I was loike, "Oyyyyyyyyy! We grow roots! Lets killit!" I shot those bunnies mate! I shot them at the balls! I killed them good!
OY! Anyway, Billy and I was huntin' this Panther. Mamma always told me them Big Cats are an endangered feces. "We gotta protect 'dem feces!" me mamma would tells me. But I don't care about feces mate. IMMA ROOTED! I'm gonna kill that Panther if it's the last thing I do. So here I was mate with my shotty, running to get this Panther, 'cause y'know, I run faster than any Panther mate. I was lookin' at the panther mate! I was looking right at it! I line up my shotty mate, I was gonna take the best shot. Charlene was gonna shoot right at the Panther's balls. "Goodbye you damn rodent feces!" BONZA!
But mate! Wouldn't you know it! A big Toyota Hilux come rockin' up next to me, on full high beam!. I was totally blinded, mate. The driver opens his window and says to me "I just killed Peter Falconio and now I'm going to kill you...no, I am going to kill your friend to make you suffer". He then pulled out a gun, shot Billy in the balls and drove off.
"OYYYYYYYYYYYY! BILLY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". I forgot about the Panther mate! The Panther pounced on me and mauled me stupid! Anyway, the quacks at the local hospital said I's have to go to Royal Adelaide Hospital to get more intensive treatment. I got a noice ride down there, but got the finger by the Peterson's as I went down the road. Them and their bunnies mate.
So after I arrived in Adelaide I went to High School at Mercedes and now I'm a dole bludger. It's the life mate. Not a bunny to be seen. But what about that Panther, what about my best buddy Billy? The driver is here. HE's here in Adelaide. I can smell it mate.
Written by JP #
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Friday, October 14, 2005
2:33 AM
In the E.R. in some generic hospital. The worlds most incompetent doctor, Dr. Buck readies himself for surgery. The patient, Joseph Franklestein suffers from Protelium Gastillic Refluxium, a potentially deadly condition if left untreated. Furthermore Joseph is the son of Senator Franklestein, so Dr. Buck better not screw up or else his career as a doctor will be over. Will Dr. Buck survive the pressure? This is no normal hospital this is...
Buck Hospital
(Buck Hospital was recorded in a live studio)
Operating Room 1
Nurse Betty: "Doctor the patient is prepped."
Dr.Buck: "Good good let us begin! Give me that cutting instrument."
Nurse Betty: "You mean the scalpel?"
Dr.Buck: "I was hoping a chainsaw but that'll do! HAHAHAHAHA I kid, I kid"
Nurse Betty: "uh...ok." *passes the scalpel*
Dr. Buck: "Ok..." *Dr.Buck starts to make an incision below the chest*
Joseph: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THAT HURTS!"
Nurse Betty: "Doctor? You forgot to administer the general anasthetic."
Dr. Buck: "Uh OH!" *slaps face with two hands*
*Audience laughs and applauds*
Joseph: "AHHHHH! HELP ME! IT HURTS AND I'M BLEEDING REAL BAD! AND..."
Dr. Buck: "Gas him..."
*Nurse Betty places a gas mask over Joseph's head and twists some knobs on the gas tank*
Dr. Buck: "Excellent...oh and nurse, clean up the blood."
*2 hours later*
Dr.Buck: "Well, that about does it."
Nurse Betty: "No you haven't! You just cut a smily face into Jospeh's chest"
Dr.Buck: "That and it says 'Have a Nice Day', now he will be happy"
Nurse Betty: "DOCTOR, not have you only permanently scarred this man, he will may die!"
Dr. Buck: "Uh OH!" *slaps face with two hands*
*Loud laughs from the audience*
*Camera pans out*
Doctor's Office
Senator: "So...doctor, how did the operation on my son go?"
Mr.Buck: "He made it in one piece."
Nurse Betty: "Consider yourself lucky..."
Mr. Buck: "Nurse Betty, if you don't have sex with me right now you will be fired."
Nurse Betty: "I refuse to have sex with an incompetent, egocentric, careless and heartless doctor like yourself."
Mr. Buck: "You left out that I'm sexy...you're fired! Get the hell out of my office!"
Nurse Betty: "Bite me"
Mr. Buck: "That's what I asked you to do!"
*Audience sighs and 'awwwwws'*
*Camera focuses on the Senator*
Senator: "Doctor...we WERE talking about my son here"
Dr. Buck: "Yes, Protelium Gastillic Refluxium can be potentially harmful unless if action is taken. Obviously that is why you have sent your son here to be operated on."
Senator: "And?"
Dr.Buck: "That's the problem see...I kinda forgot to operate on him. Well I did, in a way..."
*Joseph walks in office*
Joseph: "DAD! Look what he did to me!" *lifts his shirt*
Senator: "Have...a...nice...day. HAVE A NICE DAY!?!? DOCTOR! WHAT IS THIS?"
Dr.Buck: "Well it turns out I was drinking 2 hours before the operation..."
Senator: "YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THIS!"
Dr. Buck: "Senator I'm really sorry..."
Senator: "SILENCE! You will hear from me and my senate delegation...c'mon son, we're leaving"
*Giant sighs of anticipation from some fat guy in the back row of the audience*
*3 days later*
Hospital Parking Lot
Senator: "WELL WELL WELL. Dr. Buck....just the man I needed to see."
Dr. Buck: "Hello! How is it going?"
Senator: "I brought President Bush to show him what kind of FUCK you are!"
Dr. Buck: "My name is buck...not fuck...although, I do that with no extra charge"
*Canned laughter*
President Bush: "I would like to say that you must be commended for your fine artwork. I have bribed officals to award you the Nobel Prize for Physics and Partying Down."
Dr. Buck: "Why thankyou."
Senator: "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"
President Bush: "No offence Franklestein, but you're a Democrat so go fuck yourself...and your son, and your son's son. I hate you so much."
Senator: "FUCK YOU BUSH! FUCK YOU BUCK! I'll be back, I'm going to get S.P.U.N.C. all over you!"
Dr. Buck: "Duuuuuude, you gotta relax man. Here's some weed." *passes a bag of weed*
Senator: "I'll be back! YOU'LL ALL SEE!"
President Bush: "Drugs is wrong! I am going to bomb Italy for that!"
Dr. Buck: "My work here is done"
*Phone rings*
Dr. Buck: "Hello. Buck here"
Secretary: "Doctor? It's Jane from the front desk."
Dr. Buck: "Hello Jane!"
Secretary: "I'm sorry to report this but your dog has died"
Dr.Buck: "I know, I was practicing my surgery on him"
Secretary: "YOU ASSHOLE!"
Dr. Buck: "HAHAHA I kid, I kid. I'm hurting on the inside, seriously. Buy me a new dog, a female dog and name her Franklestein. Then cut it's head off and mail it to the Senator. Thankyou."
Secretary: "I don't think I can do that"
Dr. Buck: "I will do it myself...Goodbye now"
*Dr. Buck approaches his car, only for his phone to ring again*
Dr. Buck: "Buck here"
Alan: "This is Alan Miyagi, your patient 8 hours ago, you performed colon surgery on me"
Dr. Buck: "I remember! Hello Alan!"
Alan: "Uhhhh, hi. Just rang to tell you that you dropped your keys in my colon."
Dr. Buck: "What makes you so sure?" *starts to search for keys*
Alan: "Because I had to shit a set of keys out of my ass! DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL THAT IS? HAVE YOU EVER SHAT A SET OF KEYS BEFORE DOCTOR?"
Dr. Buck: "Uh OH!" *slaps face with two hands*
*Roarous laughter*
That concludes this episode of Buck Hospital. Stay tuned for more.
Written by JP #
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Sunday, October 09, 2005
9:41 PM
"Johnson, I'm hurt pretty bad, take care of this motherfucker, do it for ME."
Johnson, the only one who successfully pulled off the daring stunt, sees his men in such pain that it brings tears to his eyes.
"Don't you guys die on me, don't you fucking die, your gonna be ok, say it, say your gonna be okaayy, SAY THE FUCKEN WORDS"
The policemen lie there moaning in agony. Meanwhile every bullet from Vladimirs' automatic rifle is completely missing their target and hitting cars driving past. Running out of ammo he ducks back around the corner, pulling another magazine out of his pants. He loads it up and takes a moment and kisses the cross hanging around his neck.
"Blessed iz he who comez in ze name of ze law, das ist thou havest the rightz to remain silent, anysing I say can be used against me in ze courts of law" Standing up, he runs around the corner yelling profanities in German, blasting away.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAA DU BIST EINEN SCHNIG COUPREN"
Bullets ricochet off sign posts and stoving polls as the injured policemen slowly crawl into the gutter for protection. Johnson thinks he can save the day but he can't even pull his pistol from its holster.
"THIS ISNT FAIR" he screams like a girl. There are tears streaming down his face as he runs away in sheer terror.
"Ya, run joo piglet, Jahaha."
Vladimir stops firing and he continues to laugh.
"Jyust one bullet left friends, who vants it? Jahahaha." Taking quick aim he fires, the bullet goes through the left sidevision mirror of the car and the whole thing explodes, sending shrapnel flying every which way and maiming countless innocent people going about their business amid this mayhem. God knows why they kept shopping while there was a gun fight in the vicinity. The explosion sends Vladimir flying and it singes his eye brows right off. He flies through the air for what seems like a lifetime before landing about twenty metres away. From the ground he glances up and watches wide eyed as the flames spread instantly into the shops nearby, creating a raging inferno. Vladimir never intended for this to happen.
"Oops…"
He gets up and is slowly backing up and sidestepping around the corner of the convenience store, walking down the alleyway to the road on the other side. Once there he looks left and right and then his head snaps straight ahead, his gaze caught by something profound, something that beckons to him. Eyes glazed over, a sense of wonder pulls him across like a tractor beam, and his reverse thrusters functioning at maximum capacity are no where near enough to hold him back.
"I CANA HOLDIT ANE LONGER CAPPEN" he says to no one in particular, bringing cars to a screeching halt as he walks blindly across the road, M-16 still in hand.
Why did Vladimir cross the road? To get to the sex shop on the other side. Before approaching the store he dons his hood and puts on huge novelty sunglasses that effectively conceal his entire face. He does this to appear low key. When he comes to the door he looks left, he looks right, he looks up and he looks down before entering the shop. Once inside the porn star looking girl behind the counter starts speaking in the sluttiest phone-hotline-operator voice Vladimir had ever heard, and he falls to his knees and keels over experiencing the most incredible pleasure imaginable.
"Vaaat..?" Vladimir manages to say.
"I said, why did you look up and down before you came in? Most of you shifty looking guys just look left and right." She said, proceeding to giggle. Vladimir takes a while getting back on his feet and once up he lays the M-16 on the counter
"well, das is if anyvon sees me come in here dey vill tell mine mother!"
"Who on the ground and up in the sky would see you? Theres nothing there!"
"Ze ants, and ze birds baby, mein mother ist communicating wiv ze animals. Are you animals"
"Uhh no sir I am not an animal." She nervously looks down at the M-16 and is about to take it before deciding to pick up her lunch instead.
"Oh... Is that eine schnitzel you is eating? Mmmm schnitzel... you must give dis to me."
"Huh? This is chicken parmagan."
"No, das ist eine schnitzel."
"Riiiiight...so, uhh... would you be interested in penile extenders? We have a wide array of effective extension devices."
Vladimir is staring at her chest. "Ya," He says. "ya baby… Hey, vat are joo doing? Letz get eine drink at ze hotel down ze road ya?"
"My shift doesn't end for about 5 hours, but ok."
They walk out, leaving the adult shop staffless, and head to the pub down the road. Vladimir puts his arm around the girl just as a fire engine whirs past, followed by about a dozen police cars with sirens blasting.
"Oh gosh whats going on?"
"Nussing, don't vorry baby, it's nussing."
Vladimir smiles as they walk, but then a frown develops and he looks confused. He contemplates the events that have just occurred and wonders... why was he shooting at a car full of police? Where did he get an M-16? Why couldn't he hit with one fucking bullet and why were the policemen paralyzed by crippling pain from a mere graze? And when he finally hits the side mirror the car explodes for no reason? He concedes that these remarkable questions will forever remain unanswered and he walks off into the sunset with his strange girl he met at the sex shop.
Written by justin #
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Thursday, October 06, 2005
1:03 AM
"My name is Schmeldoff....Boris, Schmeldoff. I'm an international superspy, though, nobody would know it. I live a life of mystery and intrigue. Women want to sleep with me and men spite me for it. I work for a top secret intelligence organisation called SPUNC (Special Protocol Under New Crises) based in Washington DC. You wouldn't have heard of SPUNC, not even some of the most powerful politicians in the US know about it. Created after Sept. 11, the organisation has been tasked in dealing with the most dangerous terrorist threats around the globe. SPUNC is the last line between civilisation and those damn (gosh darn them) terrorists....
I could tell it's going to be a bad day.
"Dammit"
As I wake up from my hungover sleep I realise that I should quit drinking. No more partying for this spy. Looking to my right I notice that the ravishing Jessica Alba was lying next to me. Did we have sex? This is a question I cannot answer, my drinking habit has gone worse ever since my marine days during Operation: Desert Storm...Desert Storm...Sarge, Captain Johnny, Colnel Klink...another flashback...
"Good morning honey"
That voice, that enticing beautiful voice. It was my new bedmate, and I almost forgotten that she was there. It's the way of the spy, you must think for yourself. Judging by the look in her eyes and the way she said 'honey', clearly, we must have slept together. Ooooooh baby.
"Good morning, Jessica"
"How was your sleep?"
"Good, good...I got completely hammered"
"Yeah me too....what's your name again....Boris, is it?"
WHAT'S MY NAME?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS MY NAME? Damn, I thought I had a good reputation for being a tiger in the sack, even when intoxicated. So it's either I am not what I think I am, or Jessica Alba has high expectations
"Dammit Jessica, didn't you have the best sex ever?"
"errrrr....no, not really"
I have the licence to kill, and I intend to use it...my reputation must remain intact, for the sake of national security of course (sex is an important method to extract information for SPUNC). I shot her with my tranquilliser gun and threw her off the 17th floor hotel room balcony...another celebrity suicide.
*Theme Music*
What a waste of time, I wonder if i have any new assignments.
....
....
....
Looks like I do. A new text message from HQ...
"Agent 666, new assignment."
...Whooptedoo. I should be a poet when I retire.
*2 hours later*
In front of me is my boss, codename, P. Formerly the best agent in the NSA, CIA, FBI, CSI, NCIS and also worked part-time in JAG. But now she's assigned as Head of the department. No doubt, her experiences would prove to be valuable when I need boring lectures.
"Ahhh...Schmeldoff, late as usual"
"Sorry, woman problems, they tend to.....throw...themselves at me"
"Don't tell me you killed another celebrity booty call"
"SHE SAID I WAS SHIT IN BED"
"*sigh* You're going to have a few demerit points off your license, you do know that right?"
"Better than being letting her call me a crap shag"
"Fine, do as you please. Your new assignment is as follows....as you can see on the map here, central Afghanistan is infested with Taliban command posts, they are amassing a large amount of troops around Kabul. Find out why."
"You got it. I'm on it right away"
*17 flights, 2 bus trips and one long walk later*
"According to the map, this is the location of the base"
I know Afghanistan like the insides of an AK-47...I have no fucking idea. Luckily all the signs are going my way...I look up and see a big ass sign
SECRET TALIBAN BASE | WELCOME | DEATH TO AMERICA
Taliban, just as I suspected...I need a plan, a one man army plan. I AM BORIS SCHMELDOFF. I AM THE GREATEST SPY EVER. I AM THE GREATEST ONE MAN ARMY EVER. They're about to recieve some of the 'Pain Train'....I run, I run as fast as I can. Loading my SOCOM pistol with a fresh magazine of 9mm rounds, ready to fill some Taliban ass with lead. I attempt to penetrate numerous times but with little success, my gun isn't right for the job. Nevertheless, I keep thrusting new offensives trying to outflank and take the rear on several occasions. But I fail, while the offensive was sharp and quick, it did not last long. I'm exhausted...and my ammo is expended.
Captured, I was tortured for 13 days non-stop.
*Whip It! by Devo plays in background*
"Had enough yet...Smelly Schmeldoff?"
"NO! I will not submit to your torture!"
"Very well...you will continue watching infomercials, you American Pig!"
"NOOOOOOOOO! I DON'T NEED NEW STEAK KNIVES!"
"Yes you do, you need them, and we are paying by credit card so you are getting a second set for free. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU! I HAVE A FAMILY!"
"Don't we all Mr.Schmeldoff? Don't we all?"
I'm done for, I am beaten...where the hell did I put my Cyanide pill!?!?
"What's this we have here? Looks like a pill of some sort..."
"Yes. It's a new form of E, five times more potent, try it..."
"I see...do you take me for a fool Mr.Schmeldoff? DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK I DONT KNOW SPYS CARRY CYANIDE PILLS?!?"
"...uh...yes."
"YOU IGNORANT AMERICAN FOOL! I'M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW, I COULD SHIT ON YOUR HEAD! I AM THIS CLOSE TO RAPING YOU!"
Crap, he's pointing a gun, he's pointing a gun right at my head. That son-of-a-bitch. He's using MY gun...will this be the end for Boris Schmeldoff?
*BANG*
I'm dead. Or am I? My captor is dead, lying on the ground, shot smack bang middle in the head. A dark figure stands behind my captor. It's none other than...JESSICA ALBA?!?!
"Jessica? Is that you?"
"Yes, that's right...I was assigned by the CIA to watch over you."
"I thought you were dead"
"I will explain how I survived some other time...it's quite funny. But now, we must make haste, Bette Midler has a Humvee waiting for us outside the base. I inflitrated the base by flashing the guards. I will do the same to get out, use the distraction wisely"
"God bless you Jessica, you show your body to save the world"
"I know, you can praise me later. ARRRRRRR"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I want a $500,000 raise when I get back."
This isn't my day...
I take back my pistol from the dead hands of my ex-captor and kicked him repeatedly.
"Take THAT you looney head shiter!"
Jessica and I run out, with Jessica flashing the whole way through. Luckily everything went to plan and it turns out Bette Midler is a good off-road driver. We arrive home safely.
Debriefing...P seemed a bit pissed. I shouldn't be suprised she looked like she was going to blow. After all, this is SPUNC.
"Well, Agent 69?"
"Agent 666 ma'm"
"Whatever"
"Right, well, mission accomplished!"
"Then what was the reason of the troop build up?"
"I don't know, but I kicked the shit out of someone....after he died."
"I see. I hope you're happy, Kabul a few hours ago was overrun by Taliban troops, without knowing the cause, or the exact location of the troops, we were decimated."
"I didn't do it. Now excuse me, I am invited to a huge pissup at my friends house."
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I AM BORIS SCHMELDOFF! I WILL KICK YOUR ASS"
"Ease up turbo, I'll let you off this time. But don't screw up again!"
"Orrrrrite!"
That's the end of that chapter...
Written by JP #
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Saturday, October 01, 2005
3:06 PM
The window shutters swung violently in the wind, a strong breeze bringing swirls of leaves flowing in from outside and lifting loose papers off the desk in the room. One stack of paper was spared by a still hand lying firmly upon it, pen locked between fingers as if frozen to ice. The harrowing holler of the wind broke a silence in the room that had spanned days, since the last scratch of the fountain pen on paper and the cautious footsteps of the last living man to leave it. Then the floorboards began to creak and a door swung open. In stepped Lars Jameson, chief detective of Arlington City police, cigarette in mouth, knee length leather coat chafing the air, his tired face and curious eyes a silhouette behind a puff of smoke. Stopping just beyond the door he took in the scene, grimacing as he relived images from an old nightmare. More footsteps followed behind him. Detective Henry Parson came in, a stocky and jolly looking man with rosy red cheeks that utterly clashed with the broken, colourless surroundings of Arlington City.
"Nice, rotting corpse in a chair, that makes a great start to any day." Said Parson.
Lars felt the chill air bite through him. Papers danced in the wind, spinning around the form in the chair which lay lifeless, head hung back and limbs like deadweights. He stood transfixed by the papers moving around the body.
"It's poetic, writer's final pages go to unnatural lengths to try wake him."
"Yea, creepy. Close that window and I bet more magic will happen." said Parson as he flipped through a wallet laying on the desk. "Holy shit, check this ID, guys name is Terrence Vaburn."
"Yea right, mean something to you?"
"This isn't just any writer, this guy wrote best sellers. I'm a fan and I'm standing next to his godamn body, that is really a shitty start to the day man."
"Looks like most of a book in these papers here," said Lars, lifting the hand off the pile of paper and slipping the pages into an evidence bag.
"I got dibs on analyzing that."
"You're the fan. Ok get this down Henry. Obviously the cause of death would be this knife in his neck, judging by the amount of blood it went right in the jugular, position of body and the relatively untouched state of the room indicates that they came up quietly and stabbed him with minimal resistance, then they jumped out this window into the tree here; see the broken branches."
"That's a genius 10 second analysis Lars, can you tell me who did it too?"
Lars stood by the window with his hands on the ledge, looking over the commercial area. They were on the second story of a rundown apartment block in central Arlington.
"No" he said flatly, "but I can tell you this is the 13th kill by this one, and if I don't find him soon there'll be a 14th on my conscience."
"Right, well I don't know how in hell you can confidently link all these remotely similar cases to the one suspect but I'll wish you luck anyway. God knows you're usually right. Now, I bid you adieu. I'll catch you at the office when you have that evidence for me to peruse."
"Henry this isn't a fucking picnic, you're not going anywhere. I want a full written detailing of the state of this room before you go."
"Lars you take one look and you have a full detailing in your head, you don't need me here."
"You're right, I don't need you, but at least I get you off your ass. It's a sad truth that you're the next best guy in the division, I need you with me and away from the rest of those corrupt rats snorting seized cocaine all day."
"You're a rare breed Lars, a real hero huh? I know the deal, this city is a hell hole and you just want to give it back its soul, but you need to realize you are locking up the entire fucking population except for the two of us in reaching that goal. Even this dead thriller writer here, it's obvious he was mixed up in something. I'm telling ya man, it's a losing battle. You can't save this town."
Lars' grip on the window ledge tightened and the wood cracked, his expression focused and resilient. Henry sighed and leant against the door frame.
"Lars, why are you wasting your time with a serial killer, Arlington City is fucked enough that there are bigger fish to fry, you know that. Go for the big guns."
"And you should see this killer is just a stupid assassin leaving a trail that goes straight to the head crime organizations." He looked back at Henry. "Your lack of hope doesn't discourage mine. You know what I am capable of and you know I haven't even begun the fight yet."
Lars straightened up and looked out over the city one more time, a look in his eye like an eagle eying its prey.
"Really, the war is just about to begin."
Written by justin #
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Wednesday, October 19, 2005
5:28 PM
Oyyyyyy! My name is Sam Rooted, and I'm a farma. I loike to farm rootcrops. Do you know what a rootcrop is mayyyyyte? It's a crop with roots innit. I loike to root crops. My mum loikes to root crops too. She reckons that's how I was born she reckons, yeaaaaaaaaaaaa! Anywoiys, lemme tell you a strewth story about me and some bloody drongo Panther mate. It was bloody BERKO!
Me and my imaginary mate Billy was walking down dingo woop when we came along what looked loiked to be a Panther. Billy and mes knew that there never was said to be any panthers in Australia mate. So we did the only thing any good Rooted in the family would do, mate. Billy and I decided to hunt it down mate with my big ass shotty. Meet my shotty, her name is Charlene.nbsp; Yea mate, Charlene can shoot some pretty fair shots from her large barrels mate. One time I saw a family of bunnies next to my property. My neighbours, the Peterson's wanted to take care of the Bunnies. BUT IMMA ROOTED. Rooted's always hunt those pesky rodents! Me mamma told me that Bunnies are rodents that like to root and eat root. Then I was loike, "Oyyyyyyyyy! We grow roots! Lets killit!" I shot those bunnies mate! I shot them at the balls! I killed them good!
OY! Anyway, Billy and I was huntin' this Panther. Mamma always told me them Big Cats are an endangered feces. "We gotta protect 'dem feces!" me mamma would tells me. But I don't care about feces mate. IMMA ROOTED! I'm gonna kill that Panther if it's the last thing I do. So here I was mate with my shotty, running to get this Panther, 'cause y'know, I run faster than any Panther mate. I was lookin' at the panther mate! I was looking right at it! I line up my shotty mate, I was gonna take the best shot. Charlene was gonna shoot right at the Panther's balls. "Goodbye you damn rodent feces!" BONZA!But mate! Wouldn't you know it! A big Toyota Hilux come rockin' up next to me, on full high beam!. I was totally blinded, mate. The driver opens his window and says to me "I just killed Peter Falconio and now I'm going to kill you...no, I am going to kill your friend to make you suffer". He then pulled out a gun, shot Billy in the balls and drove off.
"OYYYYYYYYYYYY! BILLY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". I forgot about the Panther mate! The Panther pounced on me and mauled me stupid! Anyway, the quacks at the local hospital said I's have to go to Royal Adelaide Hospital to get more intensive treatment. I got a noice ride down there, but got the finger by the Peterson's as I went down the road. Them and their bunnies mate.
So after I arrived in Adelaide I went to High School at Mercedes and now I'm a dole bludger. It's the life mate. Not a bunny to be seen. But what about that Panther, what about my best buddy Billy? The driver is here. HE's here in Adelaide. I can smell it mate.
Written by JP #
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2:33 AM
In the E.R. in some generic hospital. The worlds most incompetent doctor, Dr. Buck readies himself for surgery. The patient, Joseph Franklestein suffers from Protelium Gastillic Refluxium, a potentially deadly condition if left untreated. Furthermore Joseph is the son of Senator Franklestein, so Dr. Buck better not screw up or else his career as a doctor will be over. Will Dr. Buck survive the pressure? This is no normal hospital this is...
Buck Hospital
(Buck Hospital was recorded in a live studio)
Operating Room 1Nurse Betty: "Doctor the patient is prepped."
Dr.Buck: "Good good let us begin! Give me that cutting instrument."
Nurse Betty: "You mean the scalpel?"
Dr.Buck: "I was hoping a chainsaw but that'll do! HAHAHAHAHA I kid, I kid"
Nurse Betty: "uh...ok." *passes the scalpel*
Dr. Buck: "Ok..." *Dr.Buck starts to make an incision below the chest*
Joseph: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THAT HURTS!"
Nurse Betty: "Doctor? You forgot to administer the general anasthetic."
Dr. Buck: "Uh OH!" *slaps face with two hands*
*Audience laughs and applauds*
Joseph: "AHHHHH! HELP ME! IT HURTS AND I'M BLEEDING REAL BAD! AND..."
Dr. Buck: "Gas him..."
*Nurse Betty places a gas mask over Joseph's head and twists some knobs on the gas tank*
Dr. Buck: "Excellent...oh and nurse, clean up the blood."
*2 hours later*
Dr.Buck: "Well, that about does it."
Nurse Betty: "No you haven't! You just cut a smily face into Jospeh's chest"
Dr.Buck: "That and it says 'Have a Nice Day', now he will be happy"
Nurse Betty: "DOCTOR, not have you only permanently scarred this man, he will may die!"
Dr. Buck: "Uh OH!" *slaps face with two hands*
*Loud laughs from the audience*
*Camera pans out*
Doctor's OfficeSenator: "So...doctor, how did the operation on my son go?"
Mr.Buck: "He made it in one piece."
Nurse Betty: "Consider yourself lucky..."
Mr. Buck: "Nurse Betty, if you don't have sex with me right now you will be fired."
Nurse Betty: "I refuse to have sex with an incompetent, egocentric, careless and heartless doctor like yourself."
Mr. Buck: "You left out that I'm sexy...you're fired! Get the hell out of my office!"
Nurse Betty: "Bite me"
Mr. Buck: "That's what I asked you to do!"
*Audience sighs and 'awwwwws'*
*Camera focuses on the Senator*
Senator: "Doctor...we WERE talking about my son here"
Dr. Buck: "Yes, Protelium Gastillic Refluxium can be potentially harmful unless if action is taken. Obviously that is why you have sent your son here to be operated on."
Senator: "And?"
Dr.Buck: "That's the problem see...I kinda forgot to operate on him. Well I did, in a way..."
*Joseph walks in office*
Joseph: "DAD! Look what he did to me!" *lifts his shirt*
Senator: "Have...a...nice...day. HAVE A NICE DAY!?!? DOCTOR! WHAT IS THIS?"
Dr.Buck: "Well it turns out I was drinking 2 hours before the operation..."
Senator: "YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THIS!"
Dr. Buck: "Senator I'm really sorry..."
Senator: "SILENCE! You will hear from me and my senate delegation...c'mon son, we're leaving"
*Giant sighs of anticipation from some fat guy in the back row of the audience*
*3 days later*
Hospital Parking Lot
Senator: "WELL WELL WELL. Dr. Buck....just the man I needed to see."
Dr. Buck: "Hello! How is it going?"
Senator: "I brought President Bush to show him what kind of FUCK you are!"
Dr. Buck: "My name is buck...not fuck...although, I do that with no extra charge"
*Canned laughter*President Bush: "I would like to say that you must be commended for your fine artwork. I have bribed officals to award you the Nobel Prize for Physics and Partying Down."
Dr. Buck: "Why thankyou."
Senator: "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"
President Bush: "No offence Franklestein, but you're a Democrat so go fuck yourself...and your son, and your son's son. I hate you so much."
Senator: "FUCK YOU BUSH! FUCK YOU BUCK! I'll be back, I'm going to get S.P.U.N.C. all over you!"
Dr. Buck: "Duuuuuude, you gotta relax man. Here's some weed." *passes a bag of weed*
Senator: "I'll be back! YOU'LL ALL SEE!"
President Bush: "Drugs is wrong! I am going to bomb Italy for that!"
Dr. Buck: "My work here is done"
*Phone rings*
Dr. Buck: "Hello. Buck here"
Secretary: "Doctor? It's Jane from the front desk."
Dr. Buck: "Hello Jane!"
Secretary: "I'm sorry to report this but your dog has died"
Dr.Buck: "I know, I was practicing my surgery on him"
Secretary: "YOU ASSHOLE!"
Dr. Buck: "HAHAHA I kid, I kid. I'm hurting on the inside, seriously. Buy me a new dog, a female dog and name her Franklestein. Then cut it's head off and mail it to the Senator. Thankyou."
Secretary: "I don't think I can do that"
Dr. Buck: "I will do it myself...Goodbye now"
*Dr. Buck approaches his car, only for his phone to ring again*
Dr. Buck: "Buck here"
Alan: "This is Alan Miyagi, your patient 8 hours ago, you performed colon surgery on me"
Dr. Buck: "I remember! Hello Alan!"
Alan: "Uhhhh, hi. Just rang to tell you that you dropped your keys in my colon."
Dr. Buck: "What makes you so sure?" *starts to search for keys*
Alan: "Because I had to shit a set of keys out of my ass! DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL THAT IS? HAVE YOU EVER SHAT A SET OF KEYS BEFORE DOCTOR?"
Dr. Buck: "Uh OH!" *slaps face with two hands*
*Roarous laughter*
That concludes this episode of Buck Hospital. Stay tuned for more.
Written by JP #
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9:41 PM
"Johnson, I'm hurt pretty bad, take care of this motherfucker, do it for ME."
Johnson, the only one who successfully pulled off the daring stunt, sees his men in such pain that it brings tears to his eyes.
"Don't you guys die on me, don't you fucking die, your gonna be ok, say it, say your gonna be okaayy, SAY THE FUCKEN WORDS"
The policemen lie there moaning in agony. Meanwhile every bullet from Vladimirs' automatic rifle is completely missing their target and hitting cars driving past. Running out of ammo he ducks back around the corner, pulling another magazine out of his pants. He loads it up and takes a moment and kisses the cross hanging around his neck.
"Blessed iz he who comez in ze name of ze law, das ist thou havest the rightz to remain silent, anysing I say can be used against me in ze courts of law" Standing up, he runs around the corner yelling profanities in German, blasting away.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAA DU BIST EINEN SCHNIG COUPREN"
Bullets ricochet off sign posts and stoving polls as the injured policemen slowly crawl into the gutter for protection. Johnson thinks he can save the day but he can't even pull his pistol from its holster.
"THIS ISNT FAIR" he screams like a girl. There are tears streaming down his face as he runs away in sheer terror.
"Ya, run joo piglet, Jahaha."
Vladimir stops firing and he continues to laugh.
"Jyust one bullet left friends, who vants it? Jahahaha." Taking quick aim he fires, the bullet goes through the left sidevision mirror of the car and the whole thing explodes, sending shrapnel flying every which way and maiming countless innocent people going about their business amid this mayhem. God knows why they kept shopping while there was a gun fight in the vicinity. The explosion sends Vladimir flying and it singes his eye brows right off. He flies through the air for what seems like a lifetime before landing about twenty metres away. From the ground he glances up and watches wide eyed as the flames spread instantly into the shops nearby, creating a raging inferno. Vladimir never intended for this to happen.
"Oops…"
He gets up and is slowly backing up and sidestepping around the corner of the convenience store, walking down the alleyway to the road on the other side. Once there he looks left and right and then his head snaps straight ahead, his gaze caught by something profound, something that beckons to him. Eyes glazed over, a sense of wonder pulls him across like a tractor beam, and his reverse thrusters functioning at maximum capacity are no where near enough to hold him back.
"I CANA HOLDIT ANE LONGER CAPPEN" he says to no one in particular, bringing cars to a screeching halt as he walks blindly across the road, M-16 still in hand.
Why did Vladimir cross the road? To get to the sex shop on the other side. Before approaching the store he dons his hood and puts on huge novelty sunglasses that effectively conceal his entire face. He does this to appear low key. When he comes to the door he looks left, he looks right, he looks up and he looks down before entering the shop. Once inside the porn star looking girl behind the counter starts speaking in the sluttiest phone-hotline-operator voice Vladimir had ever heard, and he falls to his knees and keels over experiencing the most incredible pleasure imaginable.
"Vaaat..?" Vladimir manages to say.
"I said, why did you look up and down before you came in? Most of you shifty looking guys just look left and right." She said, proceeding to giggle. Vladimir takes a while getting back on his feet and once up he lays the M-16 on the counter
"well, das is if anyvon sees me come in here dey vill tell mine mother!"
"Who on the ground and up in the sky would see you? Theres nothing there!"
"Ze ants, and ze birds baby, mein mother ist communicating wiv ze animals. Are you animals"
"Uhh no sir I am not an animal." She nervously looks down at the M-16 and is about to take it before deciding to pick up her lunch instead.
"Oh... Is that eine schnitzel you is eating? Mmmm schnitzel... you must give dis to me."
"Huh? This is chicken parmagan."
"No, das ist eine schnitzel."
"Riiiiight...so, uhh... would you be interested in penile extenders? We have a wide array of effective extension devices."
Vladimir is staring at her chest. "Ya," He says. "ya baby… Hey, vat are joo doing? Letz get eine drink at ze hotel down ze road ya?"
"My shift doesn't end for about 5 hours, but ok."
They walk out, leaving the adult shop staffless, and head to the pub down the road. Vladimir puts his arm around the girl just as a fire engine whirs past, followed by about a dozen police cars with sirens blasting.
"Oh gosh whats going on?"
"Nussing, don't vorry baby, it's nussing."
Vladimir smiles as they walk, but then a frown develops and he looks confused. He contemplates the events that have just occurred and wonders... why was he shooting at a car full of police? Where did he get an M-16? Why couldn't he hit with one fucking bullet and why were the policemen paralyzed by crippling pain from a mere graze? And when he finally hits the side mirror the car explodes for no reason? He concedes that these remarkable questions will forever remain unanswered and he walks off into the sunset with his strange girl he met at the sex shop.
Written by justin #
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1:03 AM
"My name is Schmeldoff....Boris, Schmeldoff. I'm an international superspy, though, nobody would know it. I live a life of mystery and intrigue. Women want to sleep with me and men spite me for it. I work for a top secret intelligence organisation called SPUNC (Special Protocol Under New Crises) based in Washington DC. You wouldn't have heard of SPUNC, not even some of the most powerful politicians in the US know about it. Created after Sept. 11, the organisation has been tasked in dealing with the most dangerous terrorist threats around the globe. SPUNC is the last line between civilisation and those damn (gosh darn them) terrorists....
I could tell it's going to be a bad day.
"Dammit"
As I wake up from my hungover sleep I realise that I should quit drinking. No more partying for this spy. Looking to my right I notice that the ravishing Jessica Alba was lying next to me. Did we have sex? This is a question I cannot answer, my drinking habit has gone worse ever since my marine days during Operation: Desert Storm...Desert Storm...Sarge, Captain Johnny, Colnel Klink...another flashback...
"Good morning honey"
That voice, that enticing beautiful voice. It was my new bedmate, and I almost forgotten that she was there. It's the way of the spy, you must think for yourself. Judging by the look in her eyes and the way she said 'honey', clearly, we must have slept together. Ooooooh baby.
"Good morning, Jessica"
"How was your sleep?"
"Good, good...I got completely hammered"
"Yeah me too....what's your name again....Boris, is it?"
WHAT'S MY NAME?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS MY NAME? Damn, I thought I had a good reputation for being a tiger in the sack, even when intoxicated. So it's either I am not what I think I am, or Jessica Alba has high expectations
"Dammit Jessica, didn't you have the best sex ever?"
"errrrr....no, not really"
I have the licence to kill, and I intend to use it...my reputation must remain intact, for the sake of national security of course (sex is an important method to extract information for SPUNC). I shot her with my tranquilliser gun and threw her off the 17th floor hotel room balcony...another celebrity suicide.
*Theme Music*
What a waste of time, I wonder if i have any new assignments.
....
....
....
Looks like I do. A new text message from HQ...
"Agent 666, new assignment."
...Whooptedoo. I should be a poet when I retire.
*2 hours later*
In front of me is my boss, codename, P. Formerly the best agent in the NSA, CIA, FBI, CSI, NCIS and also worked part-time in JAG. But now she's assigned as Head of the department. No doubt, her experiences would prove to be valuable when I need boring lectures.
"Ahhh...Schmeldoff, late as usual"
"Sorry, woman problems, they tend to.....throw...themselves at me"
"Don't tell me you killed another celebrity booty call"
"SHE SAID I WAS SHIT IN BED"
"*sigh* You're going to have a few demerit points off your license, you do know that right?"
"Better than being letting her call me a crap shag"
"Fine, do as you please. Your new assignment is as follows....as you can see on the map here, central Afghanistan is infested with Taliban command posts, they are amassing a large amount of troops around Kabul. Find out why."
"You got it. I'm on it right away"
*17 flights, 2 bus trips and one long walk later*
"According to the map, this is the location of the base"
I know Afghanistan like the insides of an AK-47...I have no fucking idea. Luckily all the signs are going my way...I look up and see a big ass sign
SECRET TALIBAN BASE | WELCOME | DEATH TO AMERICA
Taliban, just as I suspected...I need a plan, a one man army plan. I AM BORIS SCHMELDOFF. I AM THE GREATEST SPY EVER. I AM THE GREATEST ONE MAN ARMY EVER. They're about to recieve some of the 'Pain Train'....I run, I run as fast as I can. Loading my SOCOM pistol with a fresh magazine of 9mm rounds, ready to fill some Taliban ass with lead. I attempt to penetrate numerous times but with little success, my gun isn't right for the job. Nevertheless, I keep thrusting new offensives trying to outflank and take the rear on several occasions. But I fail, while the offensive was sharp and quick, it did not last long. I'm exhausted...and my ammo is expended.
Captured, I was tortured for 13 days non-stop.
*Whip It! by Devo plays in background*
"Had enough yet...Smelly Schmeldoff?"
"NO! I will not submit to your torture!"
"Very well...you will continue watching infomercials, you American Pig!"
"NOOOOOOOOO! I DON'T NEED NEW STEAK KNIVES!"
"Yes you do, you need them, and we are paying by credit card so you are getting a second set for free. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU! I HAVE A FAMILY!"
"Don't we all Mr.Schmeldoff? Don't we all?"
I'm done for, I am beaten...where the hell did I put my Cyanide pill!?!?
"What's this we have here? Looks like a pill of some sort..."
"Yes. It's a new form of E, five times more potent, try it..."
"I see...do you take me for a fool Mr.Schmeldoff? DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK I DONT KNOW SPYS CARRY CYANIDE PILLS?!?"
"...uh...yes."
"YOU IGNORANT AMERICAN FOOL! I'M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW, I COULD SHIT ON YOUR HEAD! I AM THIS CLOSE TO RAPING YOU!"
Crap, he's pointing a gun, he's pointing a gun right at my head. That son-of-a-bitch. He's using MY gun...will this be the end for Boris Schmeldoff?
*BANG*
I'm dead. Or am I? My captor is dead, lying on the ground, shot smack bang middle in the head. A dark figure stands behind my captor. It's none other than...JESSICA ALBA?!?!
"Jessica? Is that you?"
"Yes, that's right...I was assigned by the CIA to watch over you."
"I thought you were dead"
"I will explain how I survived some other time...it's quite funny. But now, we must make haste, Bette Midler has a Humvee waiting for us outside the base. I inflitrated the base by flashing the guards. I will do the same to get out, use the distraction wisely"
"God bless you Jessica, you show your body to save the world"
"I know, you can praise me later. ARRRRRRR"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I want a $500,000 raise when I get back."
This isn't my day...
I take back my pistol from the dead hands of my ex-captor and kicked him repeatedly.
"Take THAT you looney head shiter!"
Jessica and I run out, with Jessica flashing the whole way through. Luckily everything went to plan and it turns out Bette Midler is a good off-road driver. We arrive home safely.
Debriefing...P seemed a bit pissed. I shouldn't be suprised she looked like she was going to blow. After all, this is SPUNC.
"Well, Agent 69?"
"Agent 666 ma'm"
"Whatever"
"Right, well, mission accomplished!"
"Then what was the reason of the troop build up?"
"I don't know, but I kicked the shit out of someone....after he died."
"I see. I hope you're happy, Kabul a few hours ago was overrun by Taliban troops, without knowing the cause, or the exact location of the troops, we were decimated."
"I didn't do it. Now excuse me, I am invited to a huge pissup at my friends house."
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I AM BORIS SCHMELDOFF! I WILL KICK YOUR ASS"
"Ease up turbo, I'll let you off this time. But don't screw up again!"
"Orrrrrite!"
That's the end of that chapter...
Written by JP #
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3:06 PM
The window shutters swung violently in the wind, a strong breeze bringing swirls of leaves flowing in from outside and lifting loose papers off the desk in the room. One stack of paper was spared by a still hand lying firmly upon it, pen locked between fingers as if frozen to ice. The harrowing holler of the wind broke a silence in the room that had spanned days, since the last scratch of the fountain pen on paper and the cautious footsteps of the last living man to leave it. Then the floorboards began to creak and a door swung open. In stepped Lars Jameson, chief detective of Arlington City police, cigarette in mouth, knee length leather coat chafing the air, his tired face and curious eyes a silhouette behind a puff of smoke. Stopping just beyond the door he took in the scene, grimacing as he relived images from an old nightmare. More footsteps followed behind him. Detective Henry Parson came in, a stocky and jolly looking man with rosy red cheeks that utterly clashed with the broken, colourless surroundings of Arlington City.
"Nice, rotting corpse in a chair, that makes a great start to any day." Said Parson.
Lars felt the chill air bite through him. Papers danced in the wind, spinning around the form in the chair which lay lifeless, head hung back and limbs like deadweights. He stood transfixed by the papers moving around the body.
"It's poetic, writer's final pages go to unnatural lengths to try wake him."
"Yea, creepy. Close that window and I bet more magic will happen." said Parson as he flipped through a wallet laying on the desk. "Holy shit, check this ID, guys name is Terrence Vaburn."
"Yea right, mean something to you?"
"This isn't just any writer, this guy wrote best sellers. I'm a fan and I'm standing next to his godamn body, that is really a shitty start to the day man."
"Looks like most of a book in these papers here," said Lars, lifting the hand off the pile of paper and slipping the pages into an evidence bag.
"I got dibs on analyzing that."
"You're the fan. Ok get this down Henry. Obviously the cause of death would be this knife in his neck, judging by the amount of blood it went right in the jugular, position of body and the relatively untouched state of the room indicates that they came up quietly and stabbed him with minimal resistance, then they jumped out this window into the tree here; see the broken branches."
"That's a genius 10 second analysis Lars, can you tell me who did it too?"
Lars stood by the window with his hands on the ledge, looking over the commercial area. They were on the second story of a rundown apartment block in central Arlington.
"No" he said flatly, "but I can tell you this is the 13th kill by this one, and if I don't find him soon there'll be a 14th on my conscience."
"Right, well I don't know how in hell you can confidently link all these remotely similar cases to the one suspect but I'll wish you luck anyway. God knows you're usually right. Now, I bid you adieu. I'll catch you at the office when you have that evidence for me to peruse."
"Henry this isn't a fucking picnic, you're not going anywhere. I want a full written detailing of the state of this room before you go."
"Lars you take one look and you have a full detailing in your head, you don't need me here."
"You're right, I don't need you, but at least I get you off your ass. It's a sad truth that you're the next best guy in the division, I need you with me and away from the rest of those corrupt rats snorting seized cocaine all day."
"You're a rare breed Lars, a real hero huh? I know the deal, this city is a hell hole and you just want to give it back its soul, but you need to realize you are locking up the entire fucking population except for the two of us in reaching that goal. Even this dead thriller writer here, it's obvious he was mixed up in something. I'm telling ya man, it's a losing battle. You can't save this town."
Lars' grip on the window ledge tightened and the wood cracked, his expression focused and resilient. Henry sighed and leant against the door frame.
"Lars, why are you wasting your time with a serial killer, Arlington City is fucked enough that there are bigger fish to fry, you know that. Go for the big guns."
"And you should see this killer is just a stupid assassin leaving a trail that goes straight to the head crime organizations." He looked back at Henry. "Your lack of hope doesn't discourage mine. You know what I am capable of and you know I haven't even begun the fight yet."
Lars straightened up and looked out over the city one more time, a look in his eye like an eagle eying its prey.
"Really, the war is just about to begin."
Written by justin #
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The Gyro Network
The Gyro Network contains projects by Justin, JP, Raf and Padster (the Codemonkey).
BlogWatcher
The Couch Casbah (Ranting Blog)
Ker-Splat!
Soup Number Five
The Gyro Cult
Below is an excerpt from the wise sayings of Gyro Cult Grandmaster Wizard Knight Justin
Fit for a king and a hero's cuz
Capitalize on this stylin start
Shizzle to the hizzle in a merchant's cart
Grab that gyro, spank it's ass
Gyro flusters and flings four darts
Wring its neck, dun let it peck
Faith in chaos, Gyro's wreck
Pander later and suffer now
Don't wander far beyond that cow
If you get lost I'll kick your ass
When yo sis comes I'll take a pass"
Gyro is not just a blog network, it's a way of life. Followers of the great Gyro cult (also known as Monks of the Gyro)
believe in that the truth, the ultimate truth, can be found through the gyroscope. We believe that all that exists
was born from a giant Gyroscope and that all that spins is holy. The most holy of holy things that are holy
is 'The Ridiculously Great Gyrating Gyro Of Eternally Blissful Euphoric Existence'
(or as the Monks like to call it..."The Great Spinning One").
Gyro and all things that spin are part of the backbone of civilisation. Some people have devoted their entire lives to master the art of spin such as leg spinners and circus performers.
It is no surprise that Gyros all over the world have been held in high regard. Now we await for the return of The Great Spinning One!
Nobody will be spared! We must prepare for the arrival by harnessing the power of monkeys and enslaving the evil clowns-folk...
The Gyro Cult also searches for Utopia. Therefore, we have certain values ad ideals that we wish to uphold.
The Gyro Cult is here for:
Does this sound like the cult for you? 
Then join the cult of the Gyro and its two Grandmasters.
The two Grandmasters of the cult combined are widely experienced in brainwashing, hypnotism and more subverise persuation techniques. Join Now! Explore the wonder of our really, really
heaps good intellect Cult. AIGHT!
If you want to join our cult please feel free to contact us on this blog or any other blog within the Gyro Network and you too can
be spared from the wrath of the return on the Great Spinning One!
Some intresting reads, from personal recounts to just plain random...
(NB: Links open in a new window)
Ali's Blog
Another Last Throw
Blog of Shaunius
Blowing up space
The Crap of Sheepy
Dangerdangerdanger
Evil Creates Greatness
Ker Splat
Miamimagi
There's No Time!
TWIQshaq
Llamageek Forums
Jono's Emulator Dump
PostSecret
The Krauk Barn
Modnar
The Gyro Archives
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