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Thursday, November 03, 2005
8:59 PM

Newsflash: Poetic works submitted by Gyro monk


This piece was submitted via email by Jefferson Schneider, who's image bares a striking resemblance to one Benjamin Schneider of Mercedes fame. This loyal, schnitzel loving freak and Gyro enthusiast hails from Buckswitch Arizona. Jefferson has admitted to being emotionally tied to gyroscopes since the age of four and has this to say about growing up in a society where his deep feelings for gyroscopes have always been heavily frowned upon:


"Sumtimez wen I go 2 slp and I tinking bout gyroscops I wan tit to b in bed wif me but I canna and wont coz mamas and the papas say bad feffa bad jeffa pull it outa da gyro maen, yuk! and I goes, hey its my gyrascop and I wana screwballs wiv it ehehhehe yeh dumbdicks palolzeh :D"



Jefferson Schneider, aged 34


Forced to suppress his loin-love and passionate admiration for the ever spinning gyro, Jefferson Schneider has discovered other means of expressing himself via the arts, revealing his true self as a deeply thoughtful man of vast poetic integrity. He is also quite... innocent, as can be seen in the introductory notes for this piece:


"my pap likez the wordz on the paperz but its not on paper its on screens lol! He is stoopidhead. He alway say hay make it work jeffa but in not so mane wordz. Ye but i wos in teh looking for a girl so Vialet down teh road i went der and i likez movies, she so hot like moviez girlz kekeke ye but i ask her if she liekz moviez on satsurday and she sayd nar i gots done running on satsurday but i figures she lies cos im ugly like a beaver so i pull bolt cutter out of my pant and say i wil bolt-cut her ear lobe if she dun come movies on satsurday, lol she sayd she wuld straite away! So i sed hey take of ur pant cos u r hot, and cos i had bolt cut her earlobe she did it wow i culdnt contain my life seeds lolz den her dad cum out and splut my cranium open wiv his big-wammo hammer facking bitch neveh visit me in teh ospital, bin ere 7 mths lolz head stil herts"


Without further ado we give you Jefferson's astonishingly eloquent piece "Ode to Faget":


When aged fibres fray and are taken by day
And the time, in our sight, taken by night
The armed shall fight for that eternal plight
Of undying love in singular white


While sinners pray the saintly say
"I know the way, but they always play"
For to be good is to hate
And to love brings down weight
In modern terms of anarchy and state


On barren plains in foreign lands
The misguided rally in sinking sands
Torn blind cause, it slowly fades
In depths of dunes where void of spades


These sure-fire souls tread stark dark paths
Share sonnets and bonnets for stepping stone laughs
Tear western dreams, but glorify farce
And whisper guilt on the desert air sparse


So battle-blades drawn they challenge fate
Furthermore fussy with food on the plate
Fork clementine, knife doing time
Admire and aspire to beauty divine



We here at Gyronet thank Jefferson for submitting this poetry that he clearly stole. Keep up the stellar work, your roguish ways serve as a benchmark for those seeking to better themselves in Gyro related fields and such.




Written by justin   #

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