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Wednesday, October 19, 2005
5:28 PM

Sam Rooted

Oyyyyyy! My name is Sam Rooted, and I'm a farma.  I loike to farm rootcrops.  Do you know what a rootcrop is mayyyyyte?  It's a crop with roots innit.  I loike to root crops.  My mum loikes to root crops too.  She reckons that's how I was born she reckons, yeaaaaaaaaaaaa!  Anywoiys,  lemme tell you a strewth story about me and some bloody drongo Panther mate.  It was bloody BERKO!








Me and my imaginary mate Billy was walking down dingo woop when we came along what looked loiked to be a Panther.  Billy and mes knew that there never was said to be any panthers in Australia mate.  So we did the only thing any good Rooted in the family would do, mate.  Billy and I decided to hunt it down mate with my big ass shotty.  Meet my shotty, her name is Charlene.nbsp; Yea mate, Charlene can shoot some pretty fair shots from her large barrels mate.  One time I saw a family of bunnies next to my property.  My neighbours, the Peterson's wanted to take care of the Bunnies.  BUT IMMA ROOTED.  Rooted's always hunt those pesky rodents!  Me mamma told me that Bunnies are rodents that like to root and eat root.  Then I was loike, "Oyyyyyyyyy! We grow roots! Lets killit!"  I shot those bunnies mate!  I shot them at the balls!  I killed them good!







OY!  Anyway,  Billy and I was huntin' this Panther.  Mamma always told me them Big Cats are an endangered feces.  "We gotta protect 'dem feces!"  me mamma would tells me.  But I don't care about feces mate.  IMMA ROOTED!  I'm gonna kill that Panther if it's the last thing I do.  So here I was mate with my shotty, running to get this Panther, 'cause y'know, I run faster than any Panther mate.  I was lookin' at the panther mate!  I was looking right at it!  I line up my shotty mate, I was gonna take the best shot.  Charlene was gonna shoot right at the Panther's balls.  "Goodbye you damn rodent feces!" BONZA!







But mate! Wouldn't you know it!  A big Toyota Hilux come rockin' up next to me, on full high beam!.  I was totally blinded, mate.  The driver opens his window and says to me "I just killed Peter Falconio and now I'm going to kill you...no, I am going to kill your friend to make you suffer".  He then pulled out a gun, shot Billy in the balls and drove off.







"OYYYYYYYYYYYY! BILLY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!".  I forgot about the Panther mate!  The Panther pounced on me and mauled me stupid!  Anyway, the quacks at the local hospital said I's have to go to Royal  Adelaide Hospital to get more intensive treatment.  I got a noice ride down there, but got the finger by the Peterson's as I went down the road.  Them and their bunnies mate.







So after I arrived in Adelaide I went to High School at Mercedes and now I'm a dole bludger.  It's the life mate.  Not a bunny to be seen.  But what about that Panther, what about my best buddy Billy?  The driver is here.  HE's here in Adelaide. I can smell it mate.


Written by JP   #

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