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Friday, October 14, 2005
2:33 AM

Buck Hospital

In the E.R. in some generic hospital. The worlds most incompetent doctor, Dr. Buck readies himself for surgery. The patient, Joseph Franklestein suffers from Protelium Gastillic Refluxium, a potentially deadly condition if left untreated. Furthermore Joseph is the son of Senator Franklestein, so Dr. Buck better not screw up or else his career as a doctor will be over. Will Dr. Buck survive the pressure? This is no normal hospital this is...



Buck Hospital



(Buck Hospital was recorded in a live studio)



Operating Room 1
Nurse Betty: "Doctor the patient is prepped."
Dr.Buck: "Good good let us begin! Give me that cutting instrument."
Nurse Betty: "You mean the scalpel?"
Dr.Buck: "I was hoping a chainsaw but that'll do! HAHAHAHAHA I kid, I kid"



Nurse Betty: "uh...ok." *passes the scalpel*
Dr. Buck: "Ok..." *Dr.Buck starts to make an incision below the chest*
Joseph: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THAT HURTS!"
Nurse Betty: "Doctor? You forgot to administer the general anasthetic."
Dr. Buck: "Uh OH!" *slaps face with two hands*



*Audience laughs and applauds*



Joseph: "AHHHHH! HELP ME! IT HURTS AND I'M BLEEDING REAL BAD! AND..."
Dr. Buck: "Gas him..."
*Nurse Betty places a gas mask over Joseph's head and twists some knobs on the gas tank*
Dr. Buck: "Excellent...oh and nurse, clean up the blood."



*2 hours later*



Dr.Buck: "Well, that about does it."
Nurse Betty: "No you haven't! You just cut a smily face into Jospeh's chest"
Dr.Buck: "That and it says 'Have a Nice Day', now he will be happy"
Nurse Betty: "DOCTOR, not have you only permanently scarred this man, he will may die!"
Dr. Buck: "Uh OH!" *slaps face with two hands*



*Loud laughs from the audience*
*Camera pans out*



Doctor's Office
Senator: "So...doctor, how did the operation on my son go?"
Mr.Buck: "He made it in one piece."
Nurse Betty: "Consider yourself lucky..."
Mr. Buck: "Nurse Betty, if you don't have sex with me right now you will be fired."
Nurse Betty: "I refuse to have sex with an incompetent, egocentric, careless and heartless doctor like yourself."
Mr. Buck: "You left out that I'm sexy...you're fired! Get the hell out of my office!"
Nurse Betty: "Bite me"
Mr. Buck: "That's what I asked you to do!"



*Audience sighs and 'awwwwws'*
*Camera focuses on the Senator*



Senator: "Doctor...we WERE talking about my son here"
Dr. Buck: "Yes, Protelium Gastillic Refluxium can be potentially harmful unless if action is taken. Obviously that is why you have sent your son here to be operated on."
Senator: "And?"
Dr.Buck: "That's the problem see...I kinda forgot to operate on him. Well I did, in a way..."



*Joseph walks in office*



Joseph: "DAD! Look what he did to me!" *lifts his shirt*
Senator: "Have...a...nice...day. HAVE A NICE DAY!?!? DOCTOR! WHAT IS THIS?"
Dr.Buck: "Well it turns out I was drinking 2 hours before the operation..."
Senator: "YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THIS!"
Dr. Buck: "Senator I'm really sorry..."
Senator: "SILENCE! You will hear from me and my senate delegation...c'mon son, we're leaving"



*Giant sighs of anticipation from some fat guy in the back row of the audience*



*3 days later*



Hospital Parking Lot
Senator: "WELL WELL WELL. Dr. Buck....just the man I needed to see."
Dr. Buck: "Hello! How is it going?"
Senator: "I brought President Bush to show him what kind of FUCK you are!"
Dr. Buck: "My name is buck...not fuck...although, I do that with no extra charge"



*Canned laughter*



President Bush: "I would like to say that you must be commended for your fine artwork. I have bribed officals to award you the Nobel Prize for Physics and Partying Down."
Dr. Buck: "Why thankyou."
Senator: "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"
President Bush: "No offence Franklestein, but you're a Democrat so go fuck yourself...and your son, and your son's son. I hate you so much."
Senator: "FUCK YOU BUSH! FUCK YOU BUCK! I'll be back, I'm going to get S.P.U.N.C. all over you!"
Dr. Buck: "Duuuuuude, you gotta relax man. Here's some weed." *passes a bag of weed*
Senator: "I'll be back! YOU'LL ALL SEE!"
President Bush: "Drugs is wrong! I am going to bomb Italy for that!"
Dr. Buck: "My work here is done"



*Phone rings*



Dr. Buck: "Hello. Buck here"
Secretary: "Doctor? It's Jane from the front desk."
Dr. Buck: "Hello Jane!"
Secretary: "I'm sorry to report this but your dog has died"
Dr.Buck: "I know, I was practicing my surgery on him"
Secretary: "YOU ASSHOLE!"
Dr. Buck: "HAHAHA I kid, I kid. I'm hurting on the inside, seriously. Buy me a new dog, a female dog and name her Franklestein. Then cut it's head off and mail it to the Senator. Thankyou."
Secretary: "I don't think I can do that"
Dr. Buck: "I will do it myself...Goodbye now"



*Dr. Buck approaches his car, only for his phone to ring again*



Dr. Buck: "Buck here"
Alan: "This is Alan Miyagi, your patient 8 hours ago, you performed colon surgery on me"
Dr. Buck: "I remember! Hello Alan!"
Alan: "Uhhhh, hi. Just rang to tell you that you dropped your keys in my colon."
Dr. Buck: "What makes you so sure?" *starts to search for keys*
Alan: "Because I had to shit a set of keys out of my ass! DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL THAT IS? HAVE YOU EVER SHAT A SET OF KEYS BEFORE DOCTOR?"
Dr. Buck: "Uh OH!" *slaps face with two hands*



*Roarous laughter*



That concludes this episode of Buck Hospital. Stay tuned for more.


Written by JP   #

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