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Sunday, January 22, 2006
4:59 AM

Free Time and Photos

Just something I came up with in my free time. The photo below is called Lifesavers, because my family can't swim for shit (and I couldn't think of a title and the floaters reminded me of the candy). Well, it's not exactly a necessary survival skill over there. This was done during my free time this week, just mucking around. Any constrctive feedback welcome. I had to compress it a little bit, so thats why its only 800 x 600.

Click on the thumbnail to view

Settings used:
8mm,35mm equivalent focal length
Aperture f/3.6
Shutter speed 1/320
Sensor Speed ISO 200

Unsharp mask used
Warp Drive stability core
Saturation, levels and contrast adjusted
Noise reduction
Monkey removal

Another photo: This was taken during a festival called Santo Nino. Theres a parade in every city in the Philippines. The tradition stems from the Spanish giving a gift of a statue of Baby Jesus. In the Parade theres alot of parading of these statues, native dancing and marching bands. Loud and colourful.
Same deal here, it was compressed, so it's not at its best.

Settings used:
6mm,35mm equivalent focal length
Aperture f/3.2
Shutter speed 1/500
Sensor Speed ISO 100

Unsharp mask used
Levels and contrast adjusted
Noise reduction

Written by JP #

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Thursday, November 10, 2005
10:08 AM

Gyro Art Exhibition: The Masterpiece of Shit

Presenting Carson Shitstein. Canadian artist/Anthony Harrison lover at large. Due to unknown circumstances Carson was deported by his beloved Canada and has moved to Adelaide, Australia. He said it was the closest city to Toronto. Carson is well known for his intrest in alternative arts. We at Gyro like to think we are cultured, so we have gladly opened up the forum for him. Clearly, if you haven't heard of Carson Shitstein you don't know art. Let us here at Gyro show you what art is all about. Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting Carson Shitstein.

Please Click Here for Carson's Intro (.mp3 format, 540kb in size)

After listening to his personal introduction. It's time to view his works of art!

The first piece in the exhibit is entitled

Shit on the Lawn (Shit on canvas, 2005)

Click here to listen to Carson's audio commentary (.mp3 format, 340kb)

The second piece in the exhibit is entitled

Shitface (Shit on canvas, 2005)

Click here to listen to Carson's audio commentary (.mp3 format, 360kb)

Hoped you enjoyed our little section of culture here at The Gyro Network. Stay tuned for more if Carson ever decides to display some new shit.

Written by JP #

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Tuesday, November 08, 2005
3:02 AM

Du bist eine scheiße kopfe

Strike the chord, it reverberates and resounds, release the hounds, just sonic emotion doing the rounds, it leaps and bounds through the crowds. The note; it spoke, in your mind, invoke the progression, make a start. With suspicious omission the idea dissipates yet profoundly procreates in a burst of passion. Envision the future, think it, play it, make it now, take it for a ride, they’ll see that you tried, that you’re god personified. Don’t be scared.

Flinch now you’re forever impaired, blink and you miss it, forever paired with minor lines rare, you’ll hope its false, that the dream is a dream, torn at the seam, bed drowned in steam. Trip step insurrection, distort all sense of direction, don’t fall in line, step out of time, play offbeat with syncopated rhyme.

Finders keepers in a world of sleepers, of mindless pawns and sons of preachers. Like three blind mice on the slick black ice, its dark dirt water in a paradise. Forget it all, the pain for false gain. Let’s run without fear where its fun and it’s clear.

It’s a crystalline tear in a world of dice, its dark dirt water in a paradise.

Written by justin #

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Saturday, November 05, 2005
10:59 PM

The Dr.Dre Show

Yo sup nigga? G up to the WORD that be flowin to the powerhouse of TV land. Studio 1 mo fo, fo REAL. Aiiiight. Now check it, I said CHECKIT Nigga. After watching the Dr.Phil show, I was theorising that this bitch ass don't know how to solve a problem like a Ho knows how to get rid of an STD. So I was like "DAYEM G, I got to get me a REAL show and tell these mo fos how problems are solved, GHETTO. 411 aint that reality, SHIEST"

After talking to CBS chief Les Moonves, I got my own TV show son.

*LIVE FROM DETROIT. MICHIGAN IT'S...*

THE DR.DRE SHOW

*AND NOW YOUR HOST, DETROIT'S DOCTOR OF DOCTORATES DOCTOR DRE!*

Dr. Dre: "BRING IT! Welcome to the Dr. Dre show BIATCHES. This is the real deal, where me and my posse bring it down to y'all and help you solve all your problems ghetto style. Now welcome on to the stage, my posse: MC Killjoy, DJ MacDaddy, Beats MD and Mikestylin."

*applause*

Dr. Dre: "SHIT YEA! OH YEA! Let's bring on our first retard. He's 35 years old and is filthy rich. Why is this guy on the show? Because he is depressed y'all. Let's all cheer him up, what do you say?"

MC Killjoy: "I say we fuck him up"

Beats MD: "Modern nigga has gotta play street smarts y'all, we'll bust him up AFTER the show, when the cameras are off"

DJ MacDaddy:"Will that affect our reputation? If we be killing all our retarded guests, wouldn't that make us look bad?"

Mikestylin: "No matter, BRING ON THE BITCH!"

*A lanky, geeky looking guy, bearing striking similarity to Bill Gates walks on stage. Audience looks in astonishment how lanky the guy is*

Dr. Dre: "State your name! Retarded BITCH"

Frank: "Frank Alfred"

Mikestylin: "Frank Alfred, or should I call you lame ass whinge boy. Why are you here?"

Frank: "Because....I feel like I'm going to kill myself"

Dr. Dre: "Why is that, mo fo?"

Frank: "I shit the bed"

MC Killjoy: "YOU WHAT?"

Frank: "You heard me....I'm a lawyer, but I get really nervous before a trial. I'm scared of public speaking. I'm aware of the irony of appearing on a TV show, but I thought it was time to tackle my fears head on."

Dr.Dre: "Commendable. It really is. Tell us FRANK. Did you shit your pants last night?"

Frank: "......yes"

Dr.Dre: "Let me break it down, YOU ARE A DISGUSTING BED SHITTING ASS WIPE. Yo' aint got it yo. What kind of freak, shits while he's sleeping! We need to fix this problem ghetto style."

Mikestylin: "It's clear to us that you are being held down by the man. The system is keeping you down, you get what I'm saying? You need to DIVERSIFY your portfolio"

Frank: "I'm not following..."

MC Killjoy: "YOU SAYING YOU HAVEN'T SPREAD THE RISK OF YOUR INVESTMENTS BY INVESTING IN VARIOUS MARKETS RATHER THAN CONCENTRATE IN ONE? DID THE TECH STOCK CRASH TEACH YOU NOTHING?"

Frank: "What's this got to do with shitting my pants?"

Dr.Dre: "It's got to do with everything. My young bitch."

Beats MD: "See we did our research white boy. Your investment portfolio is trapped in the resources market....bad choice considering this global environment. We advice for you to try out other white collar stocks and DIVERSIFY"

Dr. Dre: "No doubt, hear the lyrical timing of our advice shitstain and you will be forever grateful."

Frank: "Oh God, you guys are just helping my wallet, not my problem"

Dr.Dre: "You do not appreciate our advice? Typical, my posse gives you sound and proven investment strategies and all you talk about is your ass? You gotta INTELLUCTALISE!"

Frank: "I'm so lost"

MC Killjoy: "You'r ass is gonna beat down, I didnt spend 15 years in prison without learning how to kick ass. Then you will appreciate brotha, your money is worth more than your shit."

Mikestylin: "With the money you could be earning, you could buy many more beds to replace your skidmarked beds. You are too short sighted, FO REAL"

Dr. Dre: "This problem has been SOLVED."

Frank: "No it hasn't..in fact"

DJ MacDaddy: "SHUT THE FUCK UP FOOL. I'M GONNA POP A CAP IN YOUR ASS"

Frank: "Why did I come on this show"

Dr. Dre: "YOU GOT OWNED, that concludes this show. Thankyou to my elite posse for bringing the lowdown on shithead here AIGHT"

Posse: "AIGHT"

Frank: "Oh Jesus, help me."

Dr. Dre: "So what have we learned here? We learned that anything can be solved with more money. A nigga got to know that, YEAH. Frank has a shitting problem. So what? Fan some money his way and it's all good. Feel the bling, biatches and macks bring in tight money. Word."

MC Killjoy: "Don't let illness keep you down from working hard. Even a retard like Frank can bring bling to the ghetto. Fo real."

Dr. Dre: "And that's the 411. Stay Tight y'all"

Written by JP #

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Thursday, November 03, 2005
8:59 PM

Newsflash: Poetic works submitted by Gyro monk

This piece was submitted via email by Jefferson Schneider, who's image bares a striking resemblance to one Benjamin Schneider of Mercedes fame. This loyal, schnitzel loving freak and Gyro enthusiast hails from Buckswitch Arizona. Jefferson has admitted to being emotionally tied to gyroscopes since the age of four and has this to say about growing up in a society where his deep feelings for gyroscopes have always been heavily frowned upon:

"Sumtimez wen I go 2 slp and I tinking bout gyroscops I wan tit to b in bed wif me but I canna and wont coz mamas and the papas say bad feffa bad jeffa pull it outa da gyro maen, yuk! and I goes, hey its my gyrascop and I wana screwballs wiv it ehehhehe yeh dumbdicks palolzeh :D"

Jefferson Schneider, aged 34

Forced to suppress his loin-love and passionate admiration for the ever spinning gyro, Jefferson Schneider has discovered other means of expressing himself via the arts, revealing his true self as a deeply thoughtful man of vast poetic integrity. He is also quite... innocent, as can be seen in the introductory notes for this piece:

"my pap likez the wordz on the paperz but its not on paper its on screens lol! He is stoopidhead. He alway say hay make it work jeffa but in not so mane wordz. Ye but i wos in teh looking for a girl so Vialet down teh road i went der and i likez movies, she so hot like moviez girlz kekeke ye but i ask her if she liekz moviez on satsurday and she sayd nar i gots done running on satsurday but i figures she lies cos im ugly like a beaver so i pull bolt cutter out of my pant and say i wil bolt-cut her ear lobe if she dun come movies on satsurday, lol she sayd she wuld straite away! So i sed hey take of ur pant cos u r hot, and cos i had bolt cut her earlobe she did it wow i culdnt contain my life seeds lolz den her dad cum out and splut my cranium open wiv his big-wammo hammer facking bitch neveh visit me in teh ospital, bin ere 7 mths lolz head stil herts"

Without further ado we give you Jefferson's astonishingly eloquent piece "Ode to Faget":

When aged fibres fray and are taken by day
And the time, in our sight, taken by night
The armed shall fight for that eternal plight
Of undying love in singular white

While sinners pray the saintly say
"I know the way, but they always play"
For to be good is to hate
And to love brings down weight
In modern terms of anarchy and state

On barren plains in foreign lands
The misguided rally in sinking sands
Torn blind cause, it slowly fades
In depths of dunes where void of spades

These sure-fire souls tread stark dark paths
Share sonnets and bonnets for stepping stone laughs
Tear western dreams, but glorify farce
And whisper guilt on the desert air sparse

So battle-blades drawn they challenge fate
Furthermore fussy with food on the plate
Fork clementine, knife doing time
Admire and aspire to beauty divine

We here at Gyronet thank Jefferson for submitting this poetry that he clearly stole. Keep up the stellar work, your roguish ways serve as a benchmark for those seeking to better themselves in Gyro related fields and such.

Written by justin #

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Wednesday, October 19, 2005
5:28 PM

Sam Rooted

Oyyyyyy! My name is Sam Rooted, and I'm a farma. I loike to farm rootcrops. Do you know what a rootcrop is mayyyyyte? It's a crop with roots innit. I loike to root crops. My mum loikes to root crops too. She reckons that's how I was born she reckons, yeaaaaaaaaaaaa! Anywoiys, lemme tell you a strewth story about me and some bloody drongo Panther mate. It was bloody BERKO!

Me and my imaginary mate Billy was walking down dingo woop when we came along what looked loiked to be a Panther.

Billy and mes knew that there never was said to be any panthers in Australia mate. So we did the only thing any good Rooted in the family would do, mate. Billy and I decided to hunt it down mate with my big ass shotty. Meet my shotty, her name is Charlene.nbsp; Yea mate, Charlene can shoot some pretty fair shots from her large barrels mate. One time I saw a family of bunnies next to my property. My neighbours, the Peterson's wanted to take care of the Bunnies. BUT IMMA ROOTED. Rooted's always hunt those pesky rodents! Me mamma told me that Bunnies are rodents that like to root and eat root. Then I was loike, "Oyyyyyyyyy! We grow roots! Lets killit!" I shot those bunnies mate! I shot them at the balls! I killed them good!

OY! Anyway, Billy and I was huntin' this Panther. Mamma always told me them Big Cats are an endangered feces. "We gotta protect 'dem feces!" me mamma would tells me. But I don't care about feces mate. IMMA ROOTED! I'm gonna kill that Panther if it's the last thing I do. So here I was mate with my shotty, running to get this Panther, 'cause y'know, I run faster than any Panther mate. I was lookin' at the panther mate! I was looking right at it! I line up my shotty mate, I was gonna take the best shot. Charlene was gonna shoot right at the Panther's balls. "Goodbye you damn rodent feces!" BONZA!

But mate! Wouldn't you know it!  A big Toyota Hilux come rockin' up next to me, on full high beam!.  I was totally blinded, mate.  The driver opens his window and says to me "I just killed Peter Falconio and now I'm going to kill you...no, I am going to kill your friend to make you suffer".  He then pulled out a gun, shot Billy in the balls and drove off.

"OYYYYYYYYYYYY! BILLY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!".  I forgot about the Panther mate!  The Panther pounced on me and mauled me stupid!  Anyway, the quacks at the local hospital said I's have to go to Royal  Adelaide Hospital to get more intensive treatment.  I got a noice ride down there, but got the finger by the Peterson's as I went down the road.  Them and their bunnies mate.

So after I arrived in Adelaide I went to High School at Mercedes and now I'm a dole bludger.  It's the life mate.  Not a bunny to be seen.  But what about that Panther, what about my best buddy Billy?  The driver is here.  HE's here in Adelaide. I can smell it mate.

Written by JP #

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Friday, October 14, 2005
2:33 AM

Buck Hospital

In the E.R. in some generic hospital. The worlds most incompetent doctor, Dr. Buck readies himself for surgery. The patient, Joseph Franklestein suffers from Protelium Gastillic Refluxium, a potentially deadly condition if left untreated. Furthermore Joseph is the son of Senator Franklestein, so Dr. Buck better not screw up or else his career as a doctor will be over. Will Dr. Buck survive the pressure? This is no normal hospital this is...

Buck Hospital

(Buck Hospital was recorded in a live studio)

Operating Room 1

Nurse Betty: "Doctor the patient is prepped."
Dr.Buck: "Good good let us begin! Give me that cutting instrument."
Nurse Betty: "You mean the scalpel?"
Dr.Buck: "I was hoping a chainsaw but that'll do! HAHAHAHAHA I kid, I kid"

Nurse Betty: "uh...ok." *passes the scalpel*
Dr. Buck: "Ok..." *Dr.Buck starts to make an incision below the chest*
Joseph: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THAT HURTS!"
Nurse Betty: "Doctor? You forgot to administer the general anasthetic."
Dr. Buck: "Uh OH!" *slaps face with two hands*

*Audience laughs and applauds*

Joseph: "AHHHHH! HELP ME! IT HURTS AND I'M BLEEDING REAL BAD! AND..."
Dr. Buck: "Gas him..."
*Nurse Betty places a gas mask over Joseph's head and twists some knobs on the gas tank*
Dr. Buck: "Excellent...oh and nurse, clean up the blood."

*2 hours later*

Dr.Buck: "Well, that about does it."
Nurse Betty: "No you haven't! You just cut a smily face into Jospeh's chest"
Dr.Buck: "That and it says 'Have a Nice Day', now he will be happy"
Nurse Betty: "DOCTOR, not have you only permanently scarred this man, he will may die!"
Dr. Buck: "Uh OH!" *slaps face with two hands*

*Loud laughs from the audience*
*Camera pans out*

Doctor's Office

Senator: "So...doctor, how did the operation on my son go?"
Mr.Buck: "He made it in one piece."
Nurse Betty: "Consider yourself lucky..."
Mr. Buck: "Nurse Betty, if you don't have sex with me right now you will be fired."
Nurse Betty: "I refuse to have sex with an incompetent, egocentric, careless and heartless doctor like yourself."
Mr. Buck: "You left out that I'm sexy...you're fired! Get the hell out of my office!"
Nurse Betty: "Bite me"
Mr. Buck: "That's what I asked you to do!"

*Audience sighs and 'awwwwws'*
*Camera focuses on the Senator*

Senator: "Doctor...we WERE talking about my son here"
Dr. Buck: "Yes, Protelium Gastillic Refluxium can be potentially harmful unless if action is taken. Obviously that is why you have sent your son here to be operated on."
Senator: "And?"
Dr.Buck: "That's the problem see...I kinda forgot to operate on him. Well I did, in a way..."

*Joseph walks in office*

Joseph: "DAD! Look what he did to me!" *lifts his shirt*
Senator: "Have...a...nice...day. HAVE A NICE DAY!?!? DOCTOR! WHAT IS THIS?"
Dr.Buck: "Well it turns out I was drinking 2 hours before the operation..."
Senator: "YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THIS!"
Dr. Buck: "Senator I'm really sorry..."
Senator: "SILENCE! You will hear from me and my senate delegation...c'mon son, we're leaving"

*Giant sighs of anticipation from some fat guy in the back row of the audience*

*3 days later*

Hospital Parking Lot
Senator: "WELL WELL WELL. Dr. Buck....just the man I needed to see."
Dr. Buck: "Hello! How is it going?"
Senator: "I brought President Bush to show him what kind of FUCK you are!"
Dr. Buck: "My name is buck...not fuck...although, I do that with no extra charge"

*Canned laughter*

President Bush: "I would like to say that you must be commended for your fine artwork. I have bribed officals to award you the Nobel Prize for Physics and Partying Down."
Dr. Buck: "Why thankyou."
Senator: "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"
President Bush: "No offence Franklestein, but you're a Democrat so go fuck yourself...and your son, and your son's son. I hate you so much."
Senator: "FUCK YOU BUSH! FUCK YOU BUCK! I'll be back, I'm going to get S.P.U.N.C. all over you!"
Dr. Buck: "Duuuuuude, you gotta relax man. Here's some weed." *passes a bag of weed*
Senator: "I'll be back! YOU'LL ALL SEE!"
President Bush: "Drugs is wrong! I am going to bomb Italy for that!"
Dr. Buck: "My work here is done"

*Phone rings*

Dr. Buck: "Hello. Buck here"
Secretary: "Doctor? It's Jane from the front desk."
Dr. Buck: "Hello Jane!"
Secretary: "I'm sorry to report this but your dog has died"
Dr.Buck: "I know, I was practicing my surgery on him"
Secretary: "YOU ASSHOLE!"
Dr. Buck: "HAHAHA I kid, I kid. I'm hurting on the inside, seriously. Buy me a new dog, a female dog and name her Franklestein. Then cut it's head off and mail it to the Senator. Thankyou."
Secretary: "I don't think I can do that"
Dr. Buck: "I will do it myself...Goodbye now"

*Dr. Buck approaches his car, only for his phone to ring again*

Dr. Buck: "Buck here"
Alan: "This is Alan Miyagi, your patient 8 hours ago, you performed colon surgery on me"
Dr. Buck: "I remember! Hello Alan!"
Alan: "Uhhhh, hi. Just rang to tell you that you dropped your keys in my colon."
Dr. Buck: "What makes you so sure?" *starts to search for keys*
Alan: "Because I had to shit a set of keys out of my ass! DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL THAT IS? HAVE YOU EVER SHAT A SET OF KEYS BEFORE DOCTOR?"
Dr. Buck: "Uh OH!" *slaps face with two hands*

*Roarous laughter*

That concludes this episode of Buck Hospital. Stay tuned for more.

Written by JP #

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The Gyro Cult
Below is an excerpt from the wise sayings of Gyro Cult Grandmaster Wizard Knight Justin

"Gyro is as gyro does
Fit for a king and a hero's cuz
Capitalize on this stylin start
Shizzle to the hizzle in a merchant's cart
Grab that gyro, spank it's ass
Gyro flusters and flings four darts
Wring its neck, dun let it peck
Faith in chaos, Gyro's wreck
Pander later and suffer now
Don't wander far beyond that cow
If you get lost I'll kick your ass
When yo sis comes I'll take a pass"

Gyro is not just a blog network, it's a way of life. Followers of the great Gyro cult (also known as Monks of the Gyro) believe in that the truth, the ultimate truth, can be found through the gyroscope. We believe that all that exists was born from a giant Gyroscope and that all that spins is holy. The most holy of holy things that are holy is 'The Ridiculously Great Gyrating Gyro Of Eternally Blissful Euphoric Existence' (or as the Monks like to call it..."The Great Spinning One").

Gyro and all things that spin are part of the backbone of civilisation. Some people have devoted their entire lives to master the art of spin such as leg spinners and circus performers. It is no surprise that Gyros all over the world have been held in high regard. Now we await for the return of The Great Spinning One! Nobody will be spared! We must prepare for the arrival by harnessing the power of monkeys and enslaving the evil clowns-folk...

The Gyro Cult also searches for Utopia. Therefore, we have certain values ad ideals that we wish to uphold.

The Gyro Cult is here for:

Complete anarchy

Nuclear arms for men women and children

Equality for all men (meaning no systems of government or any shred of organised society)

Free Schnitzels every Friday (Ja baby)

Does this sound like the cult for you?

Then join the cult of the Gyro and its two Grandmasters. The two Grandmasters of the cult combined are widely experienced in brainwashing, hypnotism and more subverise persuation techniques. Join Now! Explore the wonder of our really, really heaps good intellect Cult. AIGHT!

If you want to join our cult please feel free to contact us on this blog or any other blog within the Gyro Network and you too can be spared from the wrath of the return on the Great Spinning One!